


The List

by ThighKingDongho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Mental Instability, Overthinking, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-01 00:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17234375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThighKingDongho/pseuds/ThighKingDongho
Summary: You are extremely depressed and on the edge of killing yourself but you can’t do it because you need to finish your list. There’s 2 lists, one where you do it so you can die peacefully and one where it’ll make you want to stay alive and be happy. You meet a guy ‘Hyungwon’ and he shows you there are things to be happy about in life. I hope you enjoy!





	1. The List

You wake up to sunlight coming in through your blinds of your bedroom window shinning in your eyes. You automatically say to yourself “I’m still here”. You pick your phone up from the night stand and see ‘7:37’. You put your phone back on the night stand and throw your cover back over your face. You don’t want to get out of bed. You don’t want to talk to anyone. You don’t want to be here anymore but you can’t leave. 

After 10 minutes, you get out of bed go downstairs and see your parent’s downstairs eating breakfast with your older brother. Your mother always favored your brother and treated him like a child while your father didn’t pick favorites. You pick up an apple from the basket on the table and kiss your parent’s goodbye without saying anything. You don’t really talk to your family since they usually yell at you or give you a lecture. You get to the front door but as soon as you shut it, you start to freak out. You can’t really breathe and you almost start crying. You feel like you’re going to die, like you can’t breathe. You feel like you’re in hell. You tried to tell your family about it several times but they never say anything about it. They usually say “You’re just freaking yourself out” or “You’ll be fine”. So, you’re pretty much dealing with it on your own. Going outside is a constant issue for you. Since you were in middle school you were bullied really bad. You’ve been pushed down flights of stairs and punched in the face. You’ve had food thrown at you and you’ve had rumors spread about you that weren’t true. You developed anorexia at a young age as well as depression and anxiety. Your family never really understands and you know that everyone experiences depression one way or another but your family doesn’t help. You haven’t had a day where you didn’t want to die or where all you want to do is stay in bed and cry. You try to stay positive but nothing helps you be positive. You’re scared to fall in love because all you’ve been is hurt, you’ve been cheated on and abused mentally. You’ve been used and you have bad trust issues.

-

You take a deep breath and start walking. You think to yourself “will I fall in love? Will I finally be happy? Will I be okay?” You walk down to the café and pick up the usual ‘medium hot chocolate with whipped cream.’ You sip the hot chocolate which slightly burns your tongue but you don’t care. You walk and step on crunchy leaves which calms you down for some reason. You slowly walk to work but you don’t want to go. 

You feel your phone vibrate and it’s your best friend ‘Maddie’

~Stay positive today. I love you 

You look at it, smile and put your phone back in your bag. You get to work which is at a library and get settled in, you see a family come in. You muster up the courage and say “Good Morning.” You look at them for a minute and wish that your family could’ve been like that. Happy, together and okay. You think back and realize that you haven’t had a birthday party before. Your parents didn’t come to any of your soccer games. You shake your head and get back to work trying to focus.

-

After work you walk to the park and sit down on a bench while the cool autumn breeze lightly goes across your face making pieces of your hair fly around. You see leaves fly across your feet as the wind pushes them and you see a couple walking a cute German Shephard. You’re always envious of people that smile. It looks easy when they do it but when you do it, it hurts. You look at the cars driving down the street and wonder if your family would care if you just jumped in the traffic. You can’t do it though, because you aren’t done. You need to finish your list. You made a promise to yourself that once you finish your list, you’ll end it. You won’t be in pain anymore. You won’t cry when doing it, you might even be happy. You look at your phone and see your mom texted you 

~Come home for dinner 

You take a deep breath as you stand up and begin to walk home. As you walk little flurries of snow begin falling down, you see them and you get a little sad. Mainly because once snow melts it’s actually gone unlike you are. You get home and see your father setting the table and your mother finishing up dinner. Your brother is at the table on his phone. Your mother looks at you and says “How was work?” You take your coat off and go wash your hands and say “it was okay. Got a raise so that’s good” You take a few dishes and put them on the table to help your mother. You look at Justin and say “Justin… You know you could actually help mom, right?” He looks up at you and rolls his eyes. Your mother looks at him and says “She’s right. Your sister just got back from work and first thing she does is help but you’ve been here all day and you didn’t try to help.” He puts his phone down and looks up at your mother and quietly says “sorry”

-

The next day Maddie comes over and says “Y/N don’t be mad… You’ve been saying how you wonder if you’re going to fall in love so I made you an account on Tinder” You look at her and say “Are you fucking kidding me?” Maddie looks at you with puppy eyes and says “You got 20 matches so far… I made it this morning. I think I found a guy that you’ll like. His name is Hyungwon and he’s really sweet. I told him that I made it for you and he was telling me about himself.” You look at her with a mad look on your face. As you’re about to yell at her she shoves her phone in your face and shows you what he looks like and says “He told me to give you his number.” You close your eyes tight and say “Maddie… how do you know if he’s not fake? I don’t want to be on Catfish.” You feel bad yelling at her but you’re pissed off. She looks down “well I don’t know if he isn’t fake. He seems real. Text him, you can see how nice he is.”

You take your phone out and text him:

~Hey this is Y/N! I just found out about the while Tinder thing lol

You think to yourself "what if he doesn’t respond?”

~Hey! haha its fine. Your friend was telling me about you. You seem really nice

Maddie leaves and you end up talking to Hyungwon for a few hours. You wonder if you’ll even meet him and if so, what he’ll think about you. 

You looked at his picture and you see how handsome he is. His lips are pink and plump and his eyes are a beautiful shade of dark brown. His skin is a little pale and he has light brown hair. He looks like he could be a model. You think ‘will a guy that looks like him ever like a girl like me’. Or will he be able to check off one of the things on your list that’ll make you not kill yourself? The almost impossible, fall in love.

-

Maddie comes to your job a few days later to see you 

“Okay Y/N, how do you feel about him?” She asks you and you answer her while putting books on shelves “He’s really nice. Just hard to believe that he finds me pretty or he’s even talking to me.” Maddie rolls her eyes and looks at you with an upset look on her face “You know you’re beautiful, right?” You shake your head and keep putting books away. You look back as you hear the bell on the door in the library ring. You look back quickly and say “Good Aft-” as you’re about to say good afternoon, your eyes widen and you see Hyungwon walking in and looking for books.

“Maddie! He’s here!” Maddie looks around and sees Hyungwon looking for books. “OMG HES REALLY HERE!” you both duck down and you say “WHAT AM I GONNA DO?” Maddie looks back up to see him and says “I’ll go talk to him!” before you can stop her, she’s already skipping over to him. She looks back at him and waves. “Hello Hyungwon. I’m the girl you were talking to the other day about my friend” He looks at Maddison and says “really? Nice to meet you. How are you?” You walk over to the desk and try to stay quiet. You stand there slightly hearing Maddie talking to him. You hear them talking getting a little louder. You turn around and take 3 deep breaths then turn back around. Maddie walks to the desk with him and he hands you the book and library card without even making eye contact since he’s taking to Maddie.

“So Hyungwon, would you meet her in person?” You look at Maddie and you check out the book and look back down before Hyungwon can tell it’s you. “I would, I’m not sure when I’ll meet her though” Maddie nods her head and whispers “look at the name tag” Hyungwon has a confused look on his face and looks at you then his eyes widen and get really big. “Y/N?” You hand him his book and smile “yeah, how are you?” Your replacement walks over. You put your jacket on and get your bag. You begin to have trouble breathing and your vision starts to get blurry. You turn around and Hyungwon walks over to you and smiles. He gives you a hug and you think 'why is he more handsome in person?’ Maddie waves goodbye and you give her a look that’s basically saying please don’t leave me. “Y/N, do you want to go get some tea?” You look at him and smile “I’d love to” although your mouth is speaking before you can even stop it.

-

You reach the tea place and you can’t help but feel extremely nervous. You order green tea and Hyungwon orders chamomile tea. He speaks first “I didn’t know that was the library you worked at” you chuckle “I didn’t think I’d see you there. I didn’t even think I’d meet you.” Your tea arrives and Hyungwon says “I know you probably hear this a lot but you look really beautiful” You can’t help but freeze and your face gets red and hot. “Thank you, I actually don’t hear that a lot.” Hyungwon looks surprised and asks “are you serious? Well I’ll tell you more” You look at him and say “When Maddie told me about you, I didn’t think you were real. I thought you were going to be fake” He laughs and says “I thought you were fake too haha. I didn’t think you’d talk to me”

When he says that you think 'Why wouldn't anyone talk to him'

-

He drives you back home and walks you to the door, “Thank you for hanging out with me Hyungwon. I had fun” He has a wide smile on his face “I had fun too. Goodnight” You look down for a second and take a deep breath “Goodnight." Hyungwon hugs you, holds your hand and you kiss his cheek. His face gets red and he kisses your cheek as well. You haven’t felt a guy hug you or kiss you in a long time so you get frozen and your face turns a bright shade of red. Hyungwon lets your hand go and walks back to his car. You go to your room and flop down onto your bed. You grab onto your teddy bear and squeeze it tight.

You text hyungwon

~Be careful going home!

You put your phone back down and remember how his lips felt on your cheek. How soft his hand was around yours, how a few pieces of hair went in his eyes and how his face would get red whenever you’d complement him. You started thinking 'am I going to see him again?’

~I will! We should make plans to hangout again. Sleep well

You smile and fall asleep hugging your teddy bear.

-

You wake up to sun in your eyes and the sound of glass breaking in a different room. You get up and lock your door which is something you got used to doing since your dad would come back home anywhere between 3am and 10am drunk. You hear your mother yelling for him to stop. One thing on your list 'Stick up for your mother’ No you weren’t close but she’s your mother. You unlock your door, take a deep breath and step out of your room. “Dad can you stop? You need to go to sleep okay? You’ve been out all night and you’re drunk” Your dad looks at you and almost raises his hand but he turns around and goes in his room and slams the door. You look at your mother as her eyes are still looking at the closed door. Her eyes look like a tear is about to drop any second. You walk back in your room and shut your door. You take out your notebook and look at your list. Number 4 done. You get your phone out

~Good morning Y/N. Want to get some coffee?

~Sure, I need some lol

~I’ll be there in an hour

-

You go take a shower. Put on some clothes, put makeup on, do your hair and get your bag. Hyungwon pulls up and rings your doorbell. You walk to get the door but Justin gets there first. “Can I help you?” Hyungwon smiles and says “I’m here for Y/N” Justin laughs “A guy like you shouldn’t be with her. You should find a prettier girl” You walk to the door and see Hyungwon not moving. He says “She’s already beautiful, maybe you shouldn’t fucking talk about her like that” You grab Hyungwon’s arm “let’s go…” Hyungwon stops in front of the house “You’re used to him saying that bullshit about you?” You look down “yeah. I am actually” He looks at you and hugs you. “He shouldn’t say that to you”

-

You arrive at the cafe and he holds your hand as you walk inside. You end up just looking at his hand for a while. He says “can you get us a table, I think I remember what kind of coffee you like” You smile at him and sit down to wait for him to get back. You put your coat on the back of the chair and feel the cold breeze of the late November air come through the cafe door when it opens. You look back over towards the counter and see Hyungwon walking over to you with a wide smile on his face. He puts your coffee on the table in front of you and sits down right next to you. He places his arm around you and his hands gently touches your shoulder. He looks at you and says “I got you French Vanilla with 3 sugars.” You look at him and say “you did good haha.” His smile makes your stomach go crazy, it makes you happy and feel safe. You almost sip the coffee but he puts his other hand on the coffee and says “don’t drink it yet, I don’t want it to burn your tongue.” 

Hearing him say that makes your eyes widen. You know it’s just a few simple words but those words are a lot to you. They make your heart beat a little faster than it normally does. Those few words make you blink fast and make you keep looking back and forth from his hand and his eyes. You move your hand off of your coffee and place both of your hands on your lap. “What did you get?” You ask him in a soft voice. You’re still nervous around him and looking him in the eyes is hard for you. Just him sitting that close to you makes it hard for you to breathe. He picks up his drink and says “Iced Americano, one of my favorites haha.” 

You put your hands on your coffee to see if it’s any bit cooler. The door of the cafe opens and the cold air comes in. Hyungwon looks and see’s that the wind is moving your hair and that you close your eyes tight for a second. He stands up and says “switch seats with me, I don’t want the air hitting you.” You look up at him confused but you do as he says. You move over to his seat and he sits in yours. He hands you his jacket “put this on” You put it on and Hyungwon takes your coffee and feels it “You can drink it now, it feels a little cooler” you take a sip and instantly say “It’s so good. Thank you!” 

You drink more of the coffee and see Hyungwon looking at you while you’re drinking it. “Hyungwon, I’m sorry if I’m quiet while we’re together. I’m just a little nervous still” You look down at your hands on your coffee and see his hand wrap around yours “Don’t worry, I’m still nervous too” He takes your hand off of your coffee and wraps his fingers around yours. You sit there with him for a while and talk, each time his eyes meet yours you look away and get red. Each time he touches your hand, your stomach flips. You end up staying at the café longer than you planned to. But after a while you go home and end up replaying how many time’s he held your hand and how close he was to you in your head.

-

After dinner you get a text from Hyungwon

~Can you come outside? I want to go somewhere with you for a little while

~sure

You go outside and see him in his car with a goofy smile on his face waving to you. You walk to his car and get in “What did you want to do?” he smiles and kisses your cheek “it’s a surprise.” You drive to an open area and Hyungwon steps out of the car, you unbuckle your seatbelt and get out of the car with a confused look on your face. “What are we doing here?” Hyungwon is in the backseat getting a blanket and a bag of snacks. He takes your hand and puts the blanket on the ground, “I wanted to look at the stars, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do.” 

Your eyes widen you sit down on the blanket with him. He puts his arm down for you to put your head on, you lay down beside him and look up. “Hyungwon, how many stars do you think there are?” He answers you while looking at the sky “I think around 100 billion” You look at him and see how beautiful he is, how long his eyelashes are and how some of them twirl around each other. You think to yourself and think “number 5 for reasons to stay alive. Look at the stars”

You sit up for a second and so does Hyungwon “Are you okay Y/N?” you look at him and say “yeah, I’m okay. I like hanging out with you.” Hyungwon looks at you and pulls your face in closer, he places his lips against yours. He kisses you soft and a little hard at the same time, of course you kiss him back. After you stop kissing, he says “I’m sorry… I’ve just been wanting to do that since I first saw you” You look at him and smile, but this smile doesn’t hurt. It feels refreshing, relaxing and good. It’s not forced, you didn’t feel any pain when smiling this time. “number 1 for things to stay alive. Smile without it hurting” You bite your bottom lip and say “don’t be sorry, I wanted to do that too” Hyungwon kisses you one more time and says “well instead of me just kissing you… will you be my girlfriend?” You hear the word ‘girlfriend’ and automatically feel frozen, you can’t move. But instead of you saying anything you nod but you didn’t even mean to nod. Your body does it on its own. You feel yourself freaking out slowly but Hyungwon hugs you tight and squeezes you while kissing your cheek, just making you laugh.


	2. The List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have to introduce your boyfriend 'Hyungwon' to your family which might and might not go bad. You're nervous because you think he might not want to be with you after meeting them and things get a little rough at dinner.

You wake up and just look at the ceiling, thinking about the other night. Thinking about him kissing you and hugging you. When he grabbed you and kissed your cheek, tickling you to make you laugh as hard as you could. Holding your hand while he was driving, walking you to your door and kissing you goodnight. He made you smile without it hurting which is something nobody has been able to do. You reach over to your nightstand and pull out your notebook, crossing off two of the now completed things. You put it back and fall back onto your bed and feel your phone vibrate 

 

~Good morning sweetie. When you leave work today, I want to go out to eat! 

You look at the phone, not saying anything. Just looking at the word 'sweetie'. You blink a few times and snap back into reality 

~Good morning baby! That sounds great, I can't wait to see you 

'Did I really just say baby?! Fuck I have to go to work' 

 

You jump out of bed and hurry up to get dressed and go to work. Your mom stops you and asks "sweetie, where are you going?" You look at her and look at the time on the oven. "I have to go to work. I'm going to be late" Your mother looks at the time then says "oh! I'm sorry hurry up! be careful". You kiss her cheek and run out of the house, you end up running down the street to work just to get there a little bit before 9. After you get there you're out of breath and you stand there with one hand on your leg and the other holding on to the desk. Your coworker looks at you "Y/N... are you okay?" you hold up your hand basically saying give me a second. You catch your breath and say "yup! I just had to hurry up." Your work day was stressful, kids were having temper tantrums, people were not understanding how library cards work and a random kid was trying to knock books off of the shelves. You stand there right after your shift is done and close your eyes. You hear the bell on the library door ring, hoping it's Hyungwon because you could really use a hug from him. You think about how your face rests right on his chest and you get to hear how fast his heart beats when he's near you. How he makes the hair on your arms stand when he touches or even looks at you. 

You feel arms wrap around your waist. You look down at the hands and see it's Hyungwon manily because of a ring he always wears. You turn around and hug him tight without saying anything. He has a surprised but happy look on his face "sweetie, are you okay?" you look at him and frown "my day was horrible, I was almost late for work... kids were freaking out. People were yelling at me because they couldn't understand anything”. Hyungwon looks at you and smiles "I'm so sorry sweetie. I wish your day was better. Let's go eat and you can tell me about it." You walk to his car and just look at his fingers wrapped around yours, making you smile instantly. You get to the restaurant and he sits across from you and holds your hand while looking at the menu. "Do you know what you want?" you blink quickly and look back at him "um, probably a bacon cheeseburger and French fries" He smiles at you "okay! I'll be right back, need to use the bathroom" 

He walks away and you look around thinking everyone is looking at you. Your breathing gets bad and you get horrible chest pain. Your vision gets blurry and your palms start to get itchy, you blink and try to relax but it's almost impossible. When Hyungwon was with you, you were fine. You weren’t freaking out. You look towards the bathroom waiting for him to walk back. As soon as you see him your breathing relaxes. You calm down and you feel better. He kisses you then sits down "did the waiter come over?" you shake your head and close your menu. As Hyungwon talks to you, you just look at him and smile to yourself. You look and see how he gets excited talking about music, about food and dancing. You see the little crinkles besides his eyes as he smiles. You see all of his perfect imperfections. You just keep looking at him, looking into his eyes and seeing the ways his eyes have a beautiful sparkle in them. How his lips have a natural pink tint to them. How he blushes when he notices you looking at him. 

After dinner you get home and see your parents in the kitchen, your mother sees you “are you hungry?” You smile to yourself and say “no, I just had dinner” Your brother rolls his eyes and says “yeah with her boyfriend”. Your father’s eyes widen “You have a boyfriend?” You look at Justin and roll your eyes. “Yes, I do. We just started dating” Your mother smiles at you “when can we meet him?” You blink and think to yourself “Do I want him to meet my fucked up family?” “I can ask him” You say then and walk to your room and flop down on your bed. 

~ Baby... My family wants to meet you 

~ When should I come meet them? 

You put your phone to your chest and think about how upset you’re going to be regardless of what you say. 

~How about Friday? 

That at least gives you 4 days to mentally prepare yourself for what might happen and how embarrassed your family will make you. He might want to break up with you and never see you again. 

\- 

Friday night comes around and Hyungwon is in your room with you, your parents are at work so they won’t be there for about another hour. You hold his hand and say “Just don’t get weirded out about my family. My brother Justin is an asshole and my parents are weird” Hyungwon holds your hand and kisses your cheek and says “don’t worry... I’ll still like you even if they’re weird”. Your mother gets home an hour later and begins cooking dinner and your father comes home after her. Justin doesn’t really go anywhere so he’s always there. You begin to freak out a bit since he’s meeting your parents. You know something will happen seeing as when your parent’s met Maddie, your parents argued and made you cry from embarrassment. You kiss Hyungwon one more time before going into the kitchen, it’s a long and hard kiss. His hands are placed on your hips as your arms are wrapped around his neck. One of your hands is in his hair and you don’t want to stop kissing him. He makes you happy and he makes you not want to leave. He makes you want to throw the list away and live life happily. You stop kissing him and smile, holding his hand while walking into the kitchen. “Mom, dad and I guess Justin... this is Hyungwon.” Hyungwon smiles and says “Hello, it’s nice to meet you” 

You hear Justin talking under his breath and your moms' eyes widen as she looks at Hyungwon. Your father looks Hyungwon up and down trying to scan him. You sit down and begin to eat, you don’t want to eat. You aren’t hungry so you end up playing with your food, moving it around to make it seem like you’re eating. Your mother talks first “How did you two meet?” You look at Hyungwon and giggle for a moment. You say “Maddie made a Tinder account for me and matched with him. Then he came to my job to check out a book. It wasn’t planned” Your parents laugh as Justin just sits there. Your father asks Hyungwon a lot of “dad questions” and you slightly get embarrassed. You give your mother a look from across the table basically saying ‘Make him stop’. Hyungwon gets up to use the bathroom and your mother says “he’s really sweet, I’m happy for you” your dad nods saying “same” 

Hearing them say this is rare seeing as they never liked any of the guys that you brought home. “Thanks, I like him a lot” Justin laughs and you turn to look at him “what’s funny?” Justin says “the fact that you think he actually likes you.” You ball up your fist and your parents almost say something until you speak first “can you please shut the fuck up? You don’t even know how it is to be in a relationship. You don’t know him and you have no say in what happens in my relationships. Stop trying to put me down all of the time. What’s the point of talking shit? Huh? You’re always an asshole to me for no reason saying I’m ugly. Dude you’re not acting like a brother, you’re acting like a dick when I did nothing to you.” 

Your parents sit there quiet, looking down at the table. You think to yourself “number 1... tell brother to stop being an asshole” As you stand up, Hyungwon walks out of the bathroom. You walk to him, grab his hand and bring him to your room. You hug him and burry your head in his chest trying to hold back tears. “Sweetie, what’s wrong? Look at me... talk to me. Please” You look at him and he wipes your tears off “I stood up to my brother. I don’t think he’s going to change. He’s just so mean to me for no reason. I don’t do anything to him” Hyungwon kisses your head and goes into the kitchen, grabs Justin by his shirt and brings him into your room. “Are you going to apologize? Is it fun making her cry for no reason?” Justin tries to wiggle out of Hyungwon’s grip but he can’t. “No, I’m not going to apologize to her. She’s a bitch” Your eyes water and tears automatically fall down your face. Hyungwon lets him go and whispers to you “pack a bag, you’re staying at my place” 

You get underwear, clothes, charger, phone and your medicine. You put it in a bag and get a jacket, Hyungwon takes your hand and brings you to the car and drives. He doesn’t speak for a moment... he looks mad and you don’t want to speak either. “I can’t believe he’s such an asshole, I wanted to punch him so fucking bad but I didn’t want your parents to see.” You look down “did they see you grab him?”. Hyungwon shakes his head “Your mother was doing the dishes and I think your father was in the bathroom. I’m sorry... I just can’t believe he’s such a dick” You reach for his hand and hold it. Squeezing it tight “Thank you” Having someone stand up for you was something that never really happened. You didn’t have a brother standing up for you so having at least one person doing that, means a lot to you. You get to his house and see a few guys in the front room. You hold onto Hyungwon’s hand tight and his friends look up at you both. One of his friends speaks first “Hyungwon! You’re back, who's that?” Hyungwon smiles and says “This is Y/N... my girlfriend” 

His friend speaks again but with more excitement in his voice “Nice to meet you, I’m Jooheon. Hyungwon talks about you all of the time” Hyungwon pushes him playfully and the rest of his friends introduce themselves as well. You feel like you’re getting smaller, it’s only 4 guys but you feel nervous and scared. Hyungwon looks at you and realizes that you look nervous, “we’re going to go to sleep, she had a really bad day” All of his friends yell goodnight. 

As you walk into Hyungwons room you take quick peeks around the apartment, you get to his room. He gives you his shirt and you both lay in the bed. His bed is comfortable and it makes you feel safe. You turn to your side and look at the door. Hyungwon asks you to face him and you do as he says. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t like seeing you cry, you’re too special to have a shit person hurt you. I like you too much” You place one hand on his cheek and kiss him. His hand is on your waist, getting close to your butt. You feel safe whenever you’re with him but you don’t want to get to attached. One day he might leave you and you’ll be alone again. One day you’ll wake up and realize he’s not there anymore and you won’t feel the soft fabric of his shirt on your cheek. You won’t be able to hug him for as long as you want. But you’ll just live like it’s fine because it is for now. You fall asleep fast in his arms and you feel like you could be in his bed forever. 

\- 

You wake up in Hyungwon’s arms, looking up at him seeing how beautiful and peaceful he looks in the morning. You slip out from his arms, kiss his forehead and go into the bathroom to freshen up. You walk through his apartment to look around, you didn’t get a chance to really look around. You see some pictures and a guitar sitting beside the couch in the living room. You look around the kitchen and make a pot of coffee and think to yourself “should I make 12 cups?” You look over after making the coffee and see a man walking into the kitchen and say “Good Morning” He looks at you and smiles “Good morning, I don’t think we met. I’m Changkyun” you look at him and realize that you didn’t see him last night. He must’ve been asleep when you got there. “I’m Y/N” 

He has a bright smile on his face and says “Thanks for making coffee. I slept so horrible last night” you giggle and say “Same, it was a little weird sleeping in a new place” After a few minutes of talking, you walk into Hyungwon’s room with a cup of coffee in both hands and see him sleeping still. You place both coffees down and go sit down next to him. You slide under the cover and lay down next to him and place your hand on his back and rub it lightly. 

“Baby, wake up” you say it in a light, sweet voice hoping he wakes up. You kiss his cheek and pull back, Hyungwon turns around in and pulls you besides him basically hugging him tight. You look up at him as your head is on his chest and say “Good Morning. How’d you sleep?” His eyes are still closed as he says “Good Morning, I slept alright. Better since you’re here” You giggle and sit up “I made you some coffee”. Hyungwon sits up as well and sips it. He smiles right after sipping it “It’s great, thank you. Were you awake for long?” You drink your coffee and shake your head “I met your other roommate, he seems nice” After taking another sip, he says “which one?” You sit your coffee between your legs, still holding it and say “Changkyun” He nods and sips his coffee. 

\- 

The afternoon comes and you’re sitting in Hyungwon’s room. You sit beside him as he’s playing with your hair “I think I should probably go back home. My parents are going to be worried” He stops playing with your hair as your sit up and look straight at him “Do you want to go back?” You twirl your fingers around and say “no, not really. But being there is better than nothing” He looks worried as he looks at you “I don’t want you there. But I have no say in what you do. Just know that you can always come back here if shit gets out of hand.” You look at him and give him a small smile. After a while, you pack your stuff up, he brings you home and he holds your hand before you try and leave the car. “Just call me if something happens. Okay?”. You kiss him and say “I will. I promise?” He nods and gives a little smile as he looks kind of upset. You walk into the house and see your mother sitting in the kitchen, Justin is playing the game and your father is probably at work. Your mother sees you “Honey! You’re back, are you okay?” You nod “I’m fine...” Justin doesn’t even look at you as you walk into your room and shut the door. You honestly don’t want to be there. You want to be with Hyungwon but you don’t want to overstay your welcome. He makes you happy and not stay in your head all of the time. You already know something with your family will happen but you don’t want to constantly rely on Hyungwon when things get bad. 

As you’re about to call Maddie, you hear a knock on your door. You say “Come in” and it’s your mother, she walks in with a cup of hot tea. Your mother sits down beside you and gives it to you. You look at it and ask “What’s this for?” She forces out a small smirk and says “just an I’m sorry about dinner and I love you, cup of tea.” You hug your mother and take a sip before putting it on the nightstand beside you. She says “Hyungwon seems really sweet” you smile and blush just thinking about him “Yeah, he’s really nice. He makes me really happy” You think about how he had you turn around just to look at him so he can apologize to you. You think about how he looks at you which makes you get butterflies. You end the night talking to your mother but not telling her how you feel and not even saying a word about the list. You fall asleep thinking about Hyungwon’s smile and how it can light up a room without him even realizing. How he can touch you and send a thousand bolts through your body. 

\- 

You wake up to a text from Hyungwon asking if everything is okay and you reply “everything is okay, I talked to my mother last night. I feel like we’re getting closer which is good” Which is true because you aren’t close with your mother. You two don’t sit down and talk, you don’t really hangout. You haven’t heard her say “I love you” in a long time before last night. You haven’t heard your father say it in over 3 years. 

\- 

You call Maddie as you’re walking to the store and explain to her that you’re worried Hyungwon might not like you “you can’t let Justin get to you, Hyungwon likes you” 

You say “what if he doesn’t? What if he’s only with me until he finds someone better?” Maddie sounds upset and says “he likes you. If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t have had been so upset with Justin and he wouldn’t want to see you every day. Trust me.” You try to take what Maddie said seriously, it’s just hard because the other relationships you’ve been in haven’t been good. You've been used and hurt so it’s hard for you to believe someone actually likes you. You try to be positive and believe he likes you which is really hard. But you need to be positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm sorry if there are any spelling errors/mistakes. I appreciate you reading it. I'll update soon! I hope you like it <3

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there are grammar mistakes! If you have any questions just ask me.


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